my wallet needs to be as thick as my thighs
The biggest decision of each day is whether to keep blogging or go to bed and the first one usually wins whoops.
im just so glad the word “ugh” was invented
My mother tells me
that when I meet someone I like,
I have to ask them three questions:
1. what are you afraid of?
2. do you like dogs?
3. what do you do when it rains?
of those three, she says the first one is the most important.
“They gotta be scared of something, baby. Everybody is. If they aren’t afraid of anything, then they don’t believe in anything, either.”
I met you on a Sunday, right
one look and my heart fell into
my stomach like a trap door.
on our second date,
I asked you what you were afraid of.
“spiders, mostly. being alone. little children, like, the ones who just learned how to push a kid over on the playground. oh and space. holy shit, space.”
I asked you if you liked dogs.
“I have three.”
I asked you what you do when it rains.
“sleep, mostly. sometimes I sit at the window and watch the rain droplets race. I make a shelter out of plastic in my backyard for all the stray animals; leave them food and a place to sleep.”
he smiled like he knew.
like his mom told him the same
“how about you?”
I’m scared of everything.
of the hole in the o-zone layer,
of the lady next door who never
smiles at her dog,
and especially of all the secrets
the government must be breaking
it’s back trying to keep from us.
I love dogs so much, you have no idea.
I sleep when it rains.
I want to tell everyone I love them.
I want to find every stray animal and bring them home.
I want to wake up in your hair
and make you shitty coffee
and kiss your neck
and draw silly stick figures of us.
I never want to ask anyone else
I JUST GOOGLED WHAT CAUSES PERIOD PAINS AND APPARENTLY IT’S BECAUSE THE UTERUS CONTRACTS AND THAT CUTS OFF THE FUCKING BLOOD SUPPLY
PEOPLE WITH PERIOD PAINS ARE LITERALLY FEELING THEIR UTERUS TRYING TO KILL ITSELF
hello yes 911 this is an emergency my uterus is trying to kill itself
if someone ever makes me the godparent of their child i’m going to make sure their child grows up referring to me as their fairy godparent and believing that i am their fairy godparent
Will you wear a pointy crown and have a star wand and little fairy wings too?
no of course not don’t be ridiculous
i will have huge fairy wings
a hoodie and underwear is all you really need to wear tbh
I want 0 responsibilities and a lot of lingerie
I’m super bored and really want to makeout with someone right now
hey how’s it going.
Do I have a volunteer?
I volunteer as tribute.